Politics in Kashmir is a complicated issue. In order to fully understand what's going on, one requires decent internet access that allows for rapid surfing of thousands of pages of propaganda, opinions, news stories, and facebook updates. Even with all that work done, a person can end up pretty confused. Take me for instance. I can hardly keep the names straight. And have you seen the years of birth on some of these guys? 1929, 1936, 1937, 1968, you get my point. And even though the youngest rings in at below forty years, he and all the others that have been on the playing field are at least twenty year members. That's right, twenty years. My entire life. And have we seen any change? I don't mind their being out and about as lifetime members of the affairs of the state if some progress were to come out of it. Is that too much to ask for?
Maybe I'm out of line to put forward the idea of expecting growth and achievement to come about with our current heads, so I've decided to stick it to the Man and bring about what I want to see with your help. Now, I can imagine that you're probably a little wary. How exactly can you help me? What'll it cost? What's in it for you? All in good time, all in good time. Let me first lay out my plans.
I've decided to run for office. Which office, you inquire? Why the ruler of Kashmir of course, nothing short of the best! Now, now, no need to roll your eyes. I'm fresh meat. I'm young. And I have dimples. What's not to love about me? Oh wait. Is it because I'm a girl that you're not taking me seriously? Don't fret, I know my stuff. I read the news. I wear glasses. I'm hip. And I can prove it to you. Allow me to outline my platform so that I may clear any doubts from your mind.
Alright, common knowledge: we've got people asking for freedom, we've got people asking for autonomy, and we've got people asking for acceptance. The real thing we need to clarify is who is doing the asking. Jammu? Kashmir? Ladakh? Seems to me that Kashmir's the one doing the real pleading. The other two appear to be rather content with their current situations. Kashmir was a melting pot of different cultures and beliefs, thanks largely to the Silk Route that provided wealth to the people, as well as a place for many weary travelers to settle down. Tajiks, Turks, Afghans, Balochis, Chinese, the list goes on and on. These races indispensably make up the ethnic background of the Kashmiri people, and our current leaders need to wake up and realize that they should ascertain the feelings of the people in order to make the best decision. Otherwise what we end up with is some news crew or visiting head of state that will talk to the residents of Jammu, Kashmir, and Ladakh and come out with three different ideas as to what should be done. Confusion is hardly what we need right now. So let's take a clear stance, a Kashmiri stance, and understand what the Kashmiri nation wants. And that's just what I want to do. Hold on, you ask, how will you help me?
I promise to walk by your side, talk to you over a cup of tea, recognize your worth in our fight. I'll hear you out, and I'll hold my ground with the issues that matter to you most. I won't flip-flop on the whims of the Indian government like some of my opponents. And I won't live under their security protection, another fault my adversaries plead guilty to. I will be my own person, no strings attached. Now, let's take a step back. What'll it cost you?
Effort. Time. Hope. But I will be there every step of the way so that you may mark the difference I will wrought upon our society through our joint endeavor. Only when we believe may we succeed. You will see the fruit of your toil, the rebirth of our great homeland. This is my pledge. Again, we pause. What's in it for you?
What the majority of the nation doesn't apparently realize is that we must utilize all that is before us. It's our God-given right. We must go beyond our front porches and participate in world affairs, in teaching, in building, in improving our surroundings. It's vital that we get into the system, bring about development, attain high positions. I'll ensure that to be of the utmost priority throughout my term.
Another topic that begs attention: how to pique the interest of the world's superpowers? Fear not, I've thought of that as well. Although we haven't got much on the oil angle, I've managed to dig up some shiny distractions by way of sapphires. There is also our agriculture, horticulture, and handicrafts. I can see it now: apples from Kashmir the rave of every new dieting scheme, our tulips renew the craze, and our kangris warm the lives of thousands. And of course silk is always an option. Oh, and wool too. I'm sure we can at least get the Russians on our side if we toss a few knitted sweaters around. So that's how we'll get our corporate sponsorship (a stretch, perhaps, but essentially that) and launch our message to thousands.
I'll save thousands that my opposition spends on ads and swaying public thought by making my platform heard through social networking sites. I mean, who doesn't Twitter these days? Word of mouth is much more powerful, in my humble opinion. Why waste money on something that can spread like wildfire for the sheer reason that it's so brilliant? So maybe you hear a little ego in that last statement. But it's not me I'm expounding upon- it's us. As a whole. We the people, jointly staring down our oppressors, working together towards what we want to see.
So now to introduce my political affiliations, party, and myself. I work for the betterment of mankind, for you, for your family. I live the simple life, have attained the needed education for my purpose, and don't have a chopper. I also don't own real estate overseas. I travel with money from my own pocket, not from foreign funds and local industry. No charges of corruption have been filed against me. I understand the value of currency, having worked for minimum wage. The environment is our savior, something we must adore and cherish. Propaganda will find no foothold. I will, to the best of my ability, present us as a geopolitical entity that achieves acknowledgement by at least one state.
Next on the agenda would be to renew the love of the land. Every man, woman, and child will come to learn of the beauty in spring's first blossom, the majesty of the snow-capped peaks in the early morn. Education will be driven towards knowledge plus respect. The Golden Rule will be taught from day one. Stringent driving protocol will be enforced to ensure that the roads become safer. This will include mandatory classes on obeying traffic laws that one must pass in order to receive a license.
We must become the cornerstone of progress in the nation. Our children should achieve renown in mathematics, science, history, art. From cricket matches to football games, Kashmiris should be known as some of the best players the world over. Then only can we capture the world's attention and garner the love and support of millions.
It would be prudent to then do away with sheltered ideals and cliched methodology that has gotten us nowhere these past sixty years. I'm referring especially to the so-called political parties that have supposedly been working in our favor at their many luncheons, galas, banquets, soirees, etc. They amass only a rotund figure from these affairs, whereon they later place folded hands and speak to you of progress. If, in the new state that I intend to form, they wish to stay on as loyal subjects, I put forth no objections. My only qualm is that they may keep the rusted mentality of addressing their personal interests at a very high price- the state's well-being.
To celebrate our progress and success we shall consecrate a day wherein all partake in traditional dresses, meals, story telling, and the likes. And to curb random acts of violence, a 'Nemesis Day' will be instilled on a single day out of each month where one may inform their foe in writing the week before what they feel is the reason for the upcoming punishment, as well as what retribution they will be seeking. Of course, in the name of all that is fair and equal, such castigation will be done in the town square with adequate police force to maintain civility, and the method of abuse and basis for action will first be approved by a board of well-versed judges. It will be mandatory for both parties to attend if the motion is authorized, at the risk of a hefty fine.
And now to speak of the aims of my party. Kashmir will be central in our vision, along with any members of Jammu and Ladakh who would care to join in our struggle. We shall call our newly-formed nation 'Kohistan' to reflect our mountainous surrounding, carving new boundary lines that adequately reflect the feeling of our people. Too long have we been fed empty promises and half-truths. Our movement will concentrate on setting up institutions that students from far and wide would wish to attend, schools free of bribery and internal affairs, libraries where a plethora of study material is available, parks that are clean, roads that are paved, consistent electricity, a healthy environment for our children, and most of all, a peace of mind. Many a leader has come and gone with their cries of azaadi, leaving us in the dust with nothing more than teary-eyed parents waiting for their son to come home. How much longer must we endure the ridicule of the government policy? We don't have a national anthem, flag, motto, anything. Other nations struggling with the same situation (South Ossetia, Chechnya, Abkhazia, etc) do. Self-determination is the new rage, and I say we keep up with the times. Who will laud our aspirations if we do not put forth eagerness and enthusiasm, if we do not radiate gumption?
So let's review. There are a lot of people saying a lot of things, and who can you truly believe? Well, I've put forth my arguments, the faults that I've found, and the improvements that need to be made. I've given infallible reasons as to why I should be elected (did I mention I have a great smile?). So what's to stop you from leaning towards change and enlightenment? Sure, that guy might be promising you a blind eye over some shady affairs, or perhaps a little side money, but is that what you really want? Wouldn't you rather have the joy in knowing that what's best for the Valley at large is being done? So I can't assure greed, corruption, and man-handling will continue, but I can state that prosperity, bliss, and satisfaction shall. Care to join me?
Maybe I'm out of line to put forward the idea of expecting growth and achievement to come about with our current heads, so I've decided to stick it to the Man and bring about what I want to see with your help. Now, I can imagine that you're probably a little wary. How exactly can you help me? What'll it cost? What's in it for you? All in good time, all in good time. Let me first lay out my plans.
I've decided to run for office. Which office, you inquire? Why the ruler of Kashmir of course, nothing short of the best! Now, now, no need to roll your eyes. I'm fresh meat. I'm young. And I have dimples. What's not to love about me? Oh wait. Is it because I'm a girl that you're not taking me seriously? Don't fret, I know my stuff. I read the news. I wear glasses. I'm hip. And I can prove it to you. Allow me to outline my platform so that I may clear any doubts from your mind.
Alright, common knowledge: we've got people asking for freedom, we've got people asking for autonomy, and we've got people asking for acceptance. The real thing we need to clarify is who is doing the asking. Jammu? Kashmir? Ladakh? Seems to me that Kashmir's the one doing the real pleading. The other two appear to be rather content with their current situations. Kashmir was a melting pot of different cultures and beliefs, thanks largely to the Silk Route that provided wealth to the people, as well as a place for many weary travelers to settle down. Tajiks, Turks, Afghans, Balochis, Chinese, the list goes on and on. These races indispensably make up the ethnic background of the Kashmiri people, and our current leaders need to wake up and realize that they should ascertain the feelings of the people in order to make the best decision. Otherwise what we end up with is some news crew or visiting head of state that will talk to the residents of Jammu, Kashmir, and Ladakh and come out with three different ideas as to what should be done. Confusion is hardly what we need right now. So let's take a clear stance, a Kashmiri stance, and understand what the Kashmiri nation wants. And that's just what I want to do. Hold on, you ask, how will you help me?
I promise to walk by your side, talk to you over a cup of tea, recognize your worth in our fight. I'll hear you out, and I'll hold my ground with the issues that matter to you most. I won't flip-flop on the whims of the Indian government like some of my opponents. And I won't live under their security protection, another fault my adversaries plead guilty to. I will be my own person, no strings attached. Now, let's take a step back. What'll it cost you?
Effort. Time. Hope. But I will be there every step of the way so that you may mark the difference I will wrought upon our society through our joint endeavor. Only when we believe may we succeed. You will see the fruit of your toil, the rebirth of our great homeland. This is my pledge. Again, we pause. What's in it for you?
What the majority of the nation doesn't apparently realize is that we must utilize all that is before us. It's our God-given right. We must go beyond our front porches and participate in world affairs, in teaching, in building, in improving our surroundings. It's vital that we get into the system, bring about development, attain high positions. I'll ensure that to be of the utmost priority throughout my term.
Another topic that begs attention: how to pique the interest of the world's superpowers? Fear not, I've thought of that as well. Although we haven't got much on the oil angle, I've managed to dig up some shiny distractions by way of sapphires. There is also our agriculture, horticulture, and handicrafts. I can see it now: apples from Kashmir the rave of every new dieting scheme, our tulips renew the craze, and our kangris warm the lives of thousands. And of course silk is always an option. Oh, and wool too. I'm sure we can at least get the Russians on our side if we toss a few knitted sweaters around. So that's how we'll get our corporate sponsorship (a stretch, perhaps, but essentially that) and launch our message to thousands.
I'll save thousands that my opposition spends on ads and swaying public thought by making my platform heard through social networking sites. I mean, who doesn't Twitter these days? Word of mouth is much more powerful, in my humble opinion. Why waste money on something that can spread like wildfire for the sheer reason that it's so brilliant? So maybe you hear a little ego in that last statement. But it's not me I'm expounding upon- it's us. As a whole. We the people, jointly staring down our oppressors, working together towards what we want to see.
So now to introduce my political affiliations, party, and myself. I work for the betterment of mankind, for you, for your family. I live the simple life, have attained the needed education for my purpose, and don't have a chopper. I also don't own real estate overseas. I travel with money from my own pocket, not from foreign funds and local industry. No charges of corruption have been filed against me. I understand the value of currency, having worked for minimum wage. The environment is our savior, something we must adore and cherish. Propaganda will find no foothold. I will, to the best of my ability, present us as a geopolitical entity that achieves acknowledgement by at least one state.
Next on the agenda would be to renew the love of the land. Every man, woman, and child will come to learn of the beauty in spring's first blossom, the majesty of the snow-capped peaks in the early morn. Education will be driven towards knowledge plus respect. The Golden Rule will be taught from day one. Stringent driving protocol will be enforced to ensure that the roads become safer. This will include mandatory classes on obeying traffic laws that one must pass in order to receive a license.
We must become the cornerstone of progress in the nation. Our children should achieve renown in mathematics, science, history, art. From cricket matches to football games, Kashmiris should be known as some of the best players the world over. Then only can we capture the world's attention and garner the love and support of millions.
It would be prudent to then do away with sheltered ideals and cliched methodology that has gotten us nowhere these past sixty years. I'm referring especially to the so-called political parties that have supposedly been working in our favor at their many luncheons, galas, banquets, soirees, etc. They amass only a rotund figure from these affairs, whereon they later place folded hands and speak to you of progress. If, in the new state that I intend to form, they wish to stay on as loyal subjects, I put forth no objections. My only qualm is that they may keep the rusted mentality of addressing their personal interests at a very high price- the state's well-being.
To celebrate our progress and success we shall consecrate a day wherein all partake in traditional dresses, meals, story telling, and the likes. And to curb random acts of violence, a 'Nemesis Day' will be instilled on a single day out of each month where one may inform their foe in writing the week before what they feel is the reason for the upcoming punishment, as well as what retribution they will be seeking. Of course, in the name of all that is fair and equal, such castigation will be done in the town square with adequate police force to maintain civility, and the method of abuse and basis for action will first be approved by a board of well-versed judges. It will be mandatory for both parties to attend if the motion is authorized, at the risk of a hefty fine.
And now to speak of the aims of my party. Kashmir will be central in our vision, along with any members of Jammu and Ladakh who would care to join in our struggle. We shall call our newly-formed nation 'Kohistan' to reflect our mountainous surrounding, carving new boundary lines that adequately reflect the feeling of our people. Too long have we been fed empty promises and half-truths. Our movement will concentrate on setting up institutions that students from far and wide would wish to attend, schools free of bribery and internal affairs, libraries where a plethora of study material is available, parks that are clean, roads that are paved, consistent electricity, a healthy environment for our children, and most of all, a peace of mind. Many a leader has come and gone with their cries of azaadi, leaving us in the dust with nothing more than teary-eyed parents waiting for their son to come home. How much longer must we endure the ridicule of the government policy? We don't have a national anthem, flag, motto, anything. Other nations struggling with the same situation (South Ossetia, Chechnya, Abkhazia, etc) do. Self-determination is the new rage, and I say we keep up with the times. Who will laud our aspirations if we do not put forth eagerness and enthusiasm, if we do not radiate gumption?
So let's review. There are a lot of people saying a lot of things, and who can you truly believe? Well, I've put forth my arguments, the faults that I've found, and the improvements that need to be made. I've given infallible reasons as to why I should be elected (did I mention I have a great smile?). So what's to stop you from leaning towards change and enlightenment? Sure, that guy might be promising you a blind eye over some shady affairs, or perhaps a little side money, but is that what you really want? Wouldn't you rather have the joy in knowing that what's best for the Valley at large is being done? So I can't assure greed, corruption, and man-handling will continue, but I can state that prosperity, bliss, and satisfaction shall. Care to join me?